Moving to a new city is exhilarating, but it’s also a bit intimidating—especially when you’re trying to find your place and build connections from scratch. When I moved to Düsseldorf in 2016, I knew making new friends would be key to feeling settled. Naturally, I turned to what was familiar at the time: Facebook. Back then, Facebook groups were the go-to tool for finding your tribe (I know, today we have more options, but hey, it worked).
I stumbled across a group for newcomers—expats and locals getting together to help each other out. That’s when I discovered the concept of a Stammtisch. For those unfamiliar, a Stammtisch is a regular, informal meet-up at a local bar or café where people gather to chat and unwind. It’s as low-pressure as it gets.
I decided to show up. On the night of the Stammtisch, I arrived at the metro station, feeling a little out of my element. As I scanned the crowd, I noticed a few people who looked… well, let’s say they wore the same slightly awkward expression I probably had. You know, that look you get when you’re trying to act casual but are just a little unsure of the situation? I figured, “These are my people.”
So, I walked up and mentioned I was there for the Stammtisch. They seemed relieved that someone was taking the lead. We set off toward the bar together, laughing nervously about how odd it feels to meet internet strangers (I mean, it still does, right?). What I didn’t realize was that I had joined the wrong group.
Fifteen minutes in, my phone buzzed. The WhatsApp group I had joined for the meetup sent a photo of their table—and it wasn’t the one I was sitting at. I glanced around, realizing I had somehow inserted myself into a completely different group. Classic mix-up.
But instead of making it weird, I invited the group I was with to come along and join the people I was supposed to be with. And just like that, two groups of socially awkward strangers became one, bonding over the randomness of it all.
That night was the start of something bigger. From there, I got invitations to brunches, weekly gatherings, picnics and spontaneous nights out. Naturally some of the connections faded away with time, but some of the women I met that evening, happened to live in my neighborhood, and we started cooking together regularly. That small act of showing up, despite the initial awkwardness, led to lifelong friendships. Eight years later, those women are some of my best friends and are still part of my life.
It’s funny how the most meaningful connections sometimes start with a little discomfort and a lot of openness. What began as a random encounter turned into a network of friends I cherish—and it all happened because I put myself out there, even when it felt weird.
3 Takeaways from My Stammtisch Experience:
•Take the First Step: Whether it’s Facebook, Meetup, or something else, taking the initiative—even if it feels uncomfortable—is often the hardest part.
•Embrace the Awkwardness: That moment of discomfort? It’s where the magic happens. People connect through shared vulnerability more than perfect confidence.
•Be Open to Surprises: Sometimes, the best things come from unexpected encounters. You never know where one small decision can lead.
Finding community isn’t always about making the perfect plan. It’s about showing up, staying open, and trusting that sometimes, the messiest starts lead to the most beautiful connections.
(And yes, all this happened while I was speaking very basic German—back when it felt incredibly foreign. But that’s a story for another time.)
